I am drawn to quotes about living your life as you imagine it. To not let fear consume you. To ignore negative voices both from outsiders and those in your head.
They resonate. But I think a little too deeply.
They hit the bottom and rattle around the cavernous tin of my insides.
Because no matter what how badly I want them to pierce the armour of my heart and open my mind wide enough for them to expand it and get me out of here, there are entirely too many well reasoned walls around them both.
Its a joke. The insanity of the laughter pings around, knocking against the hollow walls.
They are so much a part of me. But just enough for the reasoned mind and desperate heart to pick up, albeit never to use. Its exactly how one can never take their own advice.
This hole is so deep. So wide. So slick edged that no one could possibly crawl out. How does someone live this way for the rest of their life? Empty. An empty person can't be loved because they are incapable of loving back. At least not to the extent of being content.
If you're not happy with yourself, how can you be happy with anyone else? I think thats the key to my Mother. I've seen how its destroyed her. How in its path there are expounding casualites, scattered and amiss, pieces left to dry alone, mutilated by a dagger of the tounge. Discarded. I've seen the destruction and the pain. It takes an awful toll.
Its either better or terribly worse that I've got daydreamed plans. But I can see the lines around the eyes.
Those aren't liver spots; they're fear and pain making their mark.
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"Don't listen to those who say, your taking too big a chance. Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today. Most important, don't listen when the little voice of fear inside you rears its ugly head and says. they all smarter than you out there. They're more talented, they're taller, blonder, prettier, luckier, and they have connections. I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you'll be a person worthy of your own respects.”--Neil Simon
Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Confidence Ratings Should Be High, the Projected Effect is Negligeble
Monday, October 13, 2008
She's Said Meaner. And She Should Know Better.
You cannot stand without your crutches of malice. You cannot breathe without waking in the morning and sucking the sweet happiness out of life.
"Your a weak person who will never be independant. Have a nice life."
I just can't do this anymore. I remember leaving my old house and how I cried for years. Years. When you are 9 you shouldn't then cry for years. Even now the thought of just driving by brings tears.
I didn't loose a family member. The house didn't burn down in a fire.
I just can't put away the terror that plauges me at night. How with the waking day it doesn't dissapear. I don't want to loose it all again. I still have recovered from the first time.
Broken hearts turn dry dreaming sobs to stained cheeks the next day.
Its absurd the amout of anger that floats around us. And its really over nothing at all.
Monday, October 06, 2008
"The Pen is Mightier..."
"Poets...
Words are for the merry and wicked.
It shall be written that you were here--dancing barefoot in the garden, awake in the moonlight with a craving for sweets, beauty, and long lines of tumbling free verse."
I didn't write it, but I like to think it was written with [people like] me in mind, because Lord knows I'm sitting here, awake in the moonlight, with a craving for sweets, beauty, and...
Friday, October 03, 2008
O.A.R.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
I Do.
Because if feels like if I dont, I might die.
And you wonder why when I've got nothing its so much bigger than, well, nothing.
Phenomenal
He needs you to find this.
The world should be so grateful.
Maybe it serves a self indulgent purpose. In fact, I'm sure it does.
Just more proof that such a concept isn't evil.
I've been finding it over and over again, but this one in particular compells me to share.
Please find this.