True Movement

Imagine.
Empty stage.
Save for the five souls
Standing next to me.
My most impactful piece ever spoken.
Most captive audience
Eyes wide in terror and shock.
Ending on such a loud note. Such a shaky note.
Followed and closed by a strong alto acapella.
So steady. So silent. Tears and a breath caught by the throat.
Imagine.
Nothing has beat it yet. Doubt much could.

Stock Characters

Life Lesson: You can't save a damsel when she loves her distress.

So simple. So difficult to remember.

The persecuted aren't only dear maidens, either.

I Would Never Survive W/O the Hinges

Me: They've been trying to convince me to get chunky blonde hightlights.
Mom: Dont do it. You've got a wedding coming up [not my wedding, mind you]. And its not really your style.
Me: What? I'm plenty edgy. I've just never been "look" edgy.
Mom: But you're not edgy.
Me: Sure I am! I've just never been look edgy.
Mom: Okay okay-you're right, you really are. I'm not edgy at all. I'm way to conservative for that. I'm stuck in my box of rules and I'm alright with that. Thats what makes me happy.
---
You see, I'm only happy when the box has hinges all around for an easy escape.

"Misery Loves a Symphony"

I knew I was approaching it.
But I'm there.
Crowds no longer part.
Smiles are no longer given
when you see who it is that shoved you out of the way.
So far gone
I can't even bring myself to push through.
Bartenders are blind.
The only way he'll see me now is if I'm holding a ten-tip.
I never used to pay for a drop or wait for a second.
Forget about lines.
Un-attainable.
Both still so true.

I don't care what you say. Its a second class citizen situation. Whether its in our heads or is actually happening and is in yours doesn't really matter. Its a community effort. Don't try to say you're not a part. I can tell from the way you can't look me in the eye anymore.

So clearly remembered why I needed a cigarette to keep myself busy. And how I couldn't be content [before the reveal] without a drink.

Won't you sing me the blues?
Sing me something my heart can use.
Misery loves a symphony.
Does your pretty face get lost in a crowd?
And you say no one's there to hear you cry out loud?
What will you do Suzie Blue?

I was all set to write my thoughts on regrets. It seems ironic now.
Where'd you learn to do that so well? It would be like a bad kiss and tell. A secret I'd show you.
I am far away from the love I used to hold.
Dont sit and watch your self. The day is new, Suzie Blue.
Always have been in love with that song. Never did it have this much meaning before.
Real-life has let me down.
You'd better believe I've been robbed. It may be me that owes me.
Not only are the jewels missing but the metal's been melted down too.
Gold is at its highest market price in history.
I'm to blame and I know it.
Doesn't make there any less misery.

When you have everything, you have everything to lose.
She made herself a bed of nails and she's putting them to use.
Words now in a different context.
My eyes are prisims on the inside.

"Dreams permit each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night [or afternoon works too] of our lives.”--W. Dement

I had the wildest, most adventureous dream I've ever had, I think. Galavanting across ages and spaces of Europe, and then when right at the end it looked pretty hairy, like it just might turn quite dangerous, it all resolved into perfection---clouds parting, quasi-cartonic sun rays, and topped by a musical chorus with a fully costumed drum major and seventy-six trombones and all. It was bizarre and could only leave me more tired than before I began the nap, but I'm much happier than the crabby little person I was before I started. And thats always a miracle when a nap can accomplish that.

p.s. isn't it ironic how ironic the author of that quote's last name is? I probably didn't need to point that out, but I just had to.

I'm addicted to addiction. High on the high.

Just when I start reasoning myself into believing that I'd be okay without it, you remind me that it'll never be alright.
I'd never be alright.
And in that sense, alright and okay are as awful as ordinary.
Those reminders in your words are the bright ideas that keep dark rooms alive with possibility.
Even if I fail I must figure out a way to try.
The smallest words are the biggest obstacles.

"I'll Be Alright When My Hands Get Warm" but I'm Just the Forgotton, Caucasian, Middle Class America

"I'm a lot like you so please
Hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you
And you'd be good for me
How stupid is it? I can't talk about it"




I'm gonna LIVE if it KILLS me trying.
wait for another screen shot later because it makes so much more sense when you look through my eyes
---


[EDIT: the whole "forgotton" comment is as described by someone else, not me, about me. not meant to be self-deprecating--only how we're seen and understood by (some) others, esp. in the political and university sense, and it fit with the beginning of the lyrics.]

Real Life: St. Valentine's Day

I'm a Hallmark girl at heart, don't get me wrong--this isn't cynical, just truth. Remember all that non-sense about truth? Here's some you can sink your teeth into.

-----------

Happy SAINT Valentine's Day! Dedicated to Matyrs who refused to give up Christianity but still had so much love in their hearts for the people around them. Love somebody today.

"Holding Out and Holding On": For Once I Don't Mean Lust

2005
when I look at that date in print I can barely make sense of it. but when I really think about it, it was the year I started my senior year of college, and that seems like just a moment ago. except that in just a few months it will be three years.

2003
this one is even worse. but it makes more sense on paper than it does in life. when I think about what was going on that year, all I have to do is look at these old posts [not posted]. I remember them with an odd-fondness, and tell the stories with much more humour than ever existed at the time. hindsight is always a laughing matter.

2007
this has passed more quickly than any other year so far. I'm in a race but not sure if I'm headed towards the right finish line.

I can't get what I mean down. Its all in this crazy-mind of mine. Attrition, defs. 1&2.

I'm not doing such a good job with keeping myself going. East has a clear-end view. Mild-bumps in the road, and an end with partly-cloudy skies. West is so dark you can barely see where the road begins, much less where the footprint of a first step begins. The darkness is terrifying, but it holds so much more hope than a forever filled with possible chances of freezing rain every day.

You sound so grown up that I don't think I'm ready to hear it. But its what made me fall in absolute-true-love in the very first place. I didn't know there was so much more I was missing. I hate that I consumed fluff because it was readily avaliable and filling. How empty. Maybe it was because I was so genuinely depri/aved it all meant so much so fast. Trying to even this out, but I can't help being so angry at all I missed and afraid of lossing it, whatever it is.

----
Do you ever hope that you'll be someone's last love? That when they come across you, they'll realize (soon-enough) that the one they're with isn't right and to not be with you would be a fatal error? But whats to say that after a year, a decade, a life-time with you they won't find new holes in their heart to be filled? And to stay with you would be fatal error?
I want to break someone's heart. In the kindest sense. In the most lovely sense. Just because they've seen all the holes and to live with them would break it to pieces.
But then that fatal error that was in my favor is now against me in every way.

I'm not sure that the truth hurts worse than anything that could be said or done.
"Tell the truth about the big things. Lie about the rest"
"Tell the truth about the small things and lie about the rest"
Both me. Both true. Prove it. T-R-U-T-H. More than just a passcode.
"The only thing worse than not know is pretending that I dont know."

First

;-)
note: I hate those horribly stupid "first" comments.

up so late [on a weekday! I will hate myself in a few hours] that MTV (or is this VH1?) is actually showing music videos. Boulevard of Broken Dreams was just on. out of all their songs I dislike that one the most.
Now that awful commercial song about giving her man rogaine or her sweater is on.
Back to mute it goes.

Must be a sign I should just call it a night.
Thank God for no L & L tomorrow morning. looks like my late hour means I wont wake up early to work out. Those numbers on the calendar give me dirty looks.

I loved Jack Johnson's first big single. I can't get back into him. back to mute it goes.

back to mute this goes.
tell me to mute? wish I could.

Does anyone else think...

Amy Winehouse singing "Rehab" is a little sad?
She looked good during the first song, but now something isn't right.

Kudos to the Grammy's for moving outside the box a little this year. Loved the Rhapsody in Blue.

I almost didn't watch because it seems like almost everyone I love was snubbed.
Wish you could've been there boys.
--love--