Coming Down off a Placebo is a _______

I feel like someone who's been on medication. Happy, optimistic. Such a drastic change from just weeks ago. But I'm starting to feel the slip. Or maybe I'm just so very afraid of the slip taking over. And then again, maybe its the curiosity that will kill the cat. I've had my fingers and toes crossed so hard the knuckles turn white. Plenty of prayers. Whatever it is, I just want to stay here. In this state I can dream everything and do it all. The questions barely become audible, not even a whisper. I don't want the slip. Because the bottom of the slope is so far away, but when its all downhill I can get there in seconds. I wouldn't be so worried if life around me had actually changed. But things are pretty much as awful as ever. Yep, its taking over. The endorphins have run dry. I don't know what got them going to begin with. That valley and the need to get out. The bootstraps mustering their own force. I needed to be remined of who I was. Who I am. And I got it. Now its back to the daily struggle. I can do it on my own. I just wish I knew what the magical fix was; how can I get that on my conscious own? I baffle and amaze myself on so many levels. I'm also the most irritating person I've ever met.

I wish I could write happy things and not hate them for sounding sentimental in that gross way.