Hello there? Its God.

Tonight I decided to rumage through the massive pile of old mail my mother decided to gather for me and leave on my desk chair. You see, while I was away at college my dad established a basket in the front room to hold all of my mail until my next visit home. Four years of college and a year and a half of law school creates quite the pile. I would sort through it often enough but there were always a few things I would leave in the basket. Things that I didn't want to throw away, but didn't know what exactly else to do with them. During this period of time, namely 3.5 years of college, my dad would accumulate his own pile for me: articles from papers he thought I ought to read. So, tonight as I was shuffiling through, I came across a hand torn piece of newspaper with "x"'s all over the backside and in his handwriting "turn over". It is an article dated January 14, 2005 from the St. Louis Review. I must be honest, I may or may not have read this three years ago when it first appeared in the basket, and I may or may not have read it since. I do not recall. But tonight I read it. I read it, and I understood it. It meant something to me that I'm not sure I'm going to be able to find the right words to explain. Not only does it carry the significance of the days when my dad used to save things for me [i.e. the days when he still lived at our house, and our family was, well, a family], but for the longest time, almost exactly a year now, I've been buzzing. Buzzing with this newfound electricity that I couldn't explain where it came from or why. I know when it first started: January 2007. And its been growing and growing and mounting into this, for lack of a better word, force that I simply cannot articulate. Its as though the fog had lifted. I could finally see clearly. And the rays of wonderful little thoughts and new hopes and the absolute certainity I know exists stemming from them. I may not know how, or when, or in what form, but I've just been able to sense things. A change. A connection. Knowing things before they happen; doing things in synch with another miles and miles away, and having no idea, only to find out later. Being so keenly intune with my world and the world as it revolves around me on a different level than I ever really fathomed as true. Knowing something had changed, or, resurfaced for that matter: feeling an ache, but a pleasurable ache, good pain, so far down inside me that I knew I was not done--I would become the person I was destined to be, that I was on my way, but only in the rumbling stages, more than a whisper, but not quite to the pickup measure. I know it is God, but to be honest, I was afraid it was a phase. Something that was going to slip away if I didn't take care of it, thought I had no idea what that meant. I was happy. For no real good reason. Nothing much had changed for the better around me. Now, I know, IT was me, or rather GOD in me. The anwser seems so clear now, but even now, in this light, there are still so many unknowns. But the unknowns are turning into shadows of grey, and maybe they will stay this way for a while now, but they are no longer abyss' of great black. At this point I think I like the gray. I don't want the future spelled out for me with no questions. No, I like this buzzing. I could keep the buzzing forever, and I hope I do. Its a game, but this game of life is so much more rewarding. I try to explain when I've been validated or noticed a ray here or a ray there. Only one person understands, and even if she really doesn't (though, knowing her spirit, I'm almost positive she does), she acknolwedges and builds upon them with me. And she's all a part of the buzz too. I've rambled on enough, I'm sure I'll edit this in the morning. Read the article in its entirety for yourself. Obviously I was meant to have it here, now, not then, but right this very moment, the 12th of Decemeber, 2007 in the early morning hours. The three year difference just patiently waited its turn. See if you can't find your turn. If it means little, then just tuck it away. It'll be worth this word count in gold to you...one day...one day...
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VIEWPOINT: Be open, always, to unseen blessings January 14, 2005: The St. Louis Review: Robert J. Furey

      There is always another blessing. I think that’s what I might tell you is the most important lesson I’ve learned so far.
      You still haven’t found all your gifts. We haven’t run out of miracles. You’ve not yet met all the good people. There’s more, lots more.
     You haven’t learned everything you need to know. But you will continue to be given opportunities to learn.
     You haven’t made all the contributions you’ve been called to make. But here, too, you will be given chances to accomplish what you need to accomplish.
     There will always be more opportunities for you to live a full life.
     The happiest people I’ve known seem to be the people who grasp this. They let life surprise them. They look at each day as an opportunity. They live life with the belief that there are always more blessings.
     You see the same thing in good marriages. Although they may have been together for years, husbands and wives in healthy marriages continue to look for emerging gifts in each other. They don’t just expect tomorrow to be just like yesterday. They look for reasons to be grateful. They look for blessings.
     This belief that something wonderful could happen tomorrow usually begins in childhood. Kids seem to pick it up naturally. It’s as if God wants them to think this way.
     If all goes well, this belief continues through the years. It brings joy into our lives. We’ve been given an amazing ability to hold on to hope. I’m not the only middle-aged person who is still hoping to find a buried treasure. And I’m grateful that I still believe there can be world peace and that any day there could be a breakthrough in cancer treatments.
     There are always more blessings. I say this fully aware that suffering exists. Most, if not all, of us have experienced tragedy, injustice, and loss. But this is precisely the point where the faith in future blessings is so important. The good people in Alcoholics Anonymous say, “Don’t quite five minutes before your miracle.” Your miracle could be close at hand. Holding on to this belief is how people get through the difficult times.
     Sometimes these blessings begin when we open ourselves to them. An Irish priest once told me that if you want your guardian angel to help you, you have to ask. Maybe it’s our responsibility to invite, and welcome, blessings into our lives.
     I’ve known men, for instance, who were not very good fathers, who grew into wonderful grandfathers. They matured and began to cooperate with the graces given them. They eventually recognized and welcomed their blessings. They worked to become the men they were meant to be. And, in the process, they became a blessing to others.
     There will always be more blessings. Some will be almost undeniable, others visible only to those who look for them. With blessings, sometimes you have to believe in them to see them.
     This new year will have its difficulties and challenges. But you will be given opportunities to find your buried treasures, recognize your gifts, meet good people and grow closer to God. You will be given chances to learn what you need to learn, contribute what you need to contribute and move closer to becoming everything you were meant to be.
     This, like all others, will be a year of blessings.
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