I Just Can't Stop

Reading through old e-mails from so many years ago.

No one is dead (thank you God), they just remind me of how things used to be.

As wonderful[ly sad] they are, I just can't stop. Each one makes me that much more homesick. I haven't been like this in a well over a year. I think its more of a homesick for those places that once existed, and defeated in knowing that I can never even have the possibility of going back.
And what did I do with those sent between 03 and 05? It seems like all across the board I've been making that year dissapear, or its willed itself to leave, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why. So frusterating and sad. I have such a hard time remembering. Everyone likes to read loving things people say.

Its like hot peppers. Drugs. Drink. It burns so much going down you're tricked into a feeling of confused pleasure. " More" is the only word left on the tounge.
You know you should stop because its not doing you any good. But I just can't close the window.