Why does every moment have to be so hard?

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Im getting oh so very tired of these fierce pangs of deep unhappiness.
And exhausted of constantly racking my brain and keeping myslef "in check" when the lines get closer and closer together.

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Sweeping Insensitivity

Trapped between two bad decisions, with no other option than to make a poor choice.
Seeing you both on a split screen.
Right on the edge of making you happy and chiseling a wider divide.
The anwser is the same, no matter which way I look.
I haven't even made my mark yet, and you're both so annoyed.
This heavy heart sags a little farther down, and bleeds a little more.
You just missed the two tiny tears that made their grand escape.
One down each side. One for each of you.
The ones for me only come out in dreams, wreking an uneasy sleeping body with heaving dry sobs.
Whats going to give? We're all so exhausted.

spin me around

hide and seek
I'm going to be posting some of the stuff I wrote last summer before (and partly thereafter) I activated this account again last year. I kept it all in my myspace, and its just a running account, leaping from one to the other without dates or titles. I had it all visible at once, but have made it private for a while now, mostly because most of the subjects aren't especially family friendly. But those words are some of my favoritely placed.

its times like these i doubt the avaliability of future well strung strings.
so many holes.
and i'd rather not have the heartache.
but tortured syllables roll right off fancy tounges.
-----
neverending.
how so do I wish.
-----

jsyk

I have so much left to say.

I've got 5 but you're pockets are empty.

The funny thing about becoming an adult is that you can't call in the dogs if your just going to sit yours on the porch. Life foul.

"I got problems up to here, I got people in my ear, Tellin' me these crazy things and I dont want 'em"

I got 99 problems and a bitch ain't (waiiit) one.

I'm allowed at least Five (count them: 5) solid irrational moments in a year. Give or take a few. But I'm allowed them. I am human. Even if it isn't part of my normal character, even if you've never seen it before. I've got it, and I'm allowed it. Accept it and leave me the hell alone when I cash one in.

And chilll the fuck out. When its all about you, it never completely is. You're only setting yourself up for heartache if you're foolish enough to think so.

Sweet talking and bloody bitten tounges.
Bronco Bill will be proud, I can hear his compliment now. I am sophisticated and wise and kind.
And all I wanted to be was a snot and spit all the barbs I forced myself to choke on. It would be so much easier to just cut out the rot, like I've done so many times, even if theres enough healthy material around it.
You'd be surprised how far rot's spiny fingers can pry themselves into.

Just Kissed by the Missouri Sun

        Sweet crimson siren songs

                        strummed on

                                                old vines

rising up past the sun

                                                down

                                                        the moon's

                                                                spine

        deep

purple hourglass

                                                                dreamers inside

roping the night in

                                on their

                                        plum-colored ride.

Sugar Creek. Sunset Red.

[odd connections presenting themselves once again. these twists and turns of fate that dont do much other than send a fierce tingle up my spine]

To Go My Way

"I know what that means" she replies with a sly smile. and she has no idea. I thought she might, but with an anwser like that, she couldn't possibly.

Tell Me All Your Thoughts on God

when you can pick out the piccolo strain and instantaneously imagine what it would be like to create that character and perform it for a scene you know you should've never left

and when a fellow artist, who also was 'forced' to leave, can finish your sentences, you know your poor hearts are broken in the same places

and we do it to ourselves. I love Ayn Rand. I love being a capatalist. But I don't love it for the same reason I should be an artist. Although Ayn Rand may beg to differ. And agree with me in the same breath.

Sometimes I wonder where this black vs. white came from. I don't see it in anyone around me.

I is a powerful word. Just as powerful, albeit more so, than why. And we all know my feelings on why.
The former must always be anwsered, and if you don't do so, or at least get a grasp, you could never utter those sacred words and have them mean a damn thing.
The latter is a forever mystery.

my ginger snaps say that according to 16th century European folklore eating them made people kinder. I told my dad this, and being half funny/half serious he asked "is it even possible for you to be any kinder?"
Thing is, I really want to go somewhere to see someone the night before my best friend's wedding. I've already promised her I'd spend the night with her after the rehearsal dinner (only a few blocks away from this event! if not a few hours removed in time), and I've given up a lot for this wedding and done a lot for her---because I love her, and it makes me happy to do so, really and honestly, but....
I know I shouldn't go out. But it just all seems so perfect except for the damn timing.
What makes this so much more pressing is this feeling of immediacy I have about the whole situtaion, for no real good reason. I happen to find out they'll be somewhere by total luck, luck I wouldn't otherwise have, and something keeps nagging at me that this is important. But I've got no proof that its important. And no one else to go with me if she doesn't. And I'm not sure if this nagging makes it important enough to go alone (that would be a huge leap). On top of that she would be so unhappy if I went period. And I don't want her to be unhappy before her wedding. (I'm getting tired of the word wedding).
Am I being too kind for not going?
Should I go?
This will either immensely matter in 30 years or won't even be a blip on a 30 yr. radar.

this is a full on pout. and to be quite honest, i am hating pouting. can't we just make it work?

I just want something to go my way for once in a long while. (passing classes doesn't count, as thankful as I am)



naggingfeelingnaggingfeelingnaggingfeeling

"Every Last Stitch"

ordered at a sleeping me before my dad left for work

im pretty sure I should be doing laundry right now
----
"Citizens of the United States, my fellow Americans...spend freely and behave yourselves."
The President in Israel for their 60th birthday.
He's funny.
----

I'm back. The previous posts were from the road.
I've been here a full week now. Leading up to Saturday was chaos, saturday was chaos, but it was all pulled off.
Listen to me.
there are too many holes.
iapologize.
bye for now.

Elegance. We craved elegance.

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Ride the curve {in}, not the wave {out}

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