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Friday nights at the enclave.

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Oh. I see what you do all day.

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Late, but delivery was ontime.

I've Got to Stop This

"What did we talk about you not doing anymore?"
"Covering for you?"

I think my heart stopped. Because I know what I remember thinking. Add in two substances with known tendencies to take away what little ability to say no and keep things from slipping I have, and you'll understand why I literally stopped breathing.
Please. no. no no no.

no no no.
it just can't be.
if so. theres nothing taking it away.

vodka and I have a horrendous love/hate relationship. unlike anything else out there.
and just when i thought it was safe.
i'll never be.

i think i lie more to myself than i let myself believe.

Her to Him

“All I knew is that she was a force to be reckoned with. How was I going to reckon with it, I had no idea. She’s not someone you can ever dismiss or put into any category. She’s many things.”


who doesn't want to be this her to a someone him?

I could stare forever.

flaberghasted.

goodnight.


[Edit: I wish I could remember what this meant]

It takes one to know one

I remember when I used to shop for what I would wear for you.
As silly as that may sound.
Somehow a perfect picture would always emerge.
And as much as I loved it, Id be bound.

I did most of my own binding.
I want to go to sleep
and forget everything you were.
Only I hate every second without it.

I'm a terrible Gambler.
this is why I only bet on hotel rooms.
even then. who wants to head up to chicago?
you get the gas. i've got the room.

you've got a lot of nerve ignoring me.
and i've got a whole lot of nothing in the morning.
its the amber that lead the fingers and mouth.
they even play dead without it.

"the reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did"

i get so tired of all of this.
pouring out to space.
and i see you there.
but you leave less than a whisper.
i couldnt even smell you in the wind.
but i see you there.

Thats a Lovely Way to Talk About Love

he says: it is like a sore on your tongue, you just can't stop noticing that its there.

"Bad Actors with Bad Habits"

"I'm a lot like you, so please, hello, I'm here"

you'd think those words would ring true and someone would pop into this pellucidly clouded mind.
trying to convince myself that someone fits. that their piece of the puzzle would match a blank spot in mine.
at first glance it works. the curves fit. but the more i beg myself to squint, i can see there the tessellation that doesnt tilt together. there are gaps, more pieces missing than either one could help fill. the edges are rough and jagged and only see each other from across the board as, at most, compliments.
you just know we could never make love.
and theres nothing left worth turning off the lights and locking the door for.
turns to be a waste of a pick and a gammut of faked emotions you wish you didn't have to.
why then, have i been convincing myself this should work?
theres nothing to work at. nothing to work for. nothing for work.

the last thing i need is a stranger who means less than nothing in the mix

All Kinds of Abuse

Someone is going to call me tomorrow and I've got to reject the hell out of him.
(and I know he is going to press me for "but whys?" and "but I just want a friend right now"-b.s.)
This is sick, but I'm excited about it. ONLY because I am going to pony up and say exactly what I need to say, and try my hardest not to pussy-foot around it.
I figure this is a big step in being solidly, consistently, directly honest with people.
I'm so tired of lying because I feel bad.

Thats not soooo crazy, right?

friendcardabuseissowrong.
i mean it.

Sweet Escapist Indulgence

its why and how I do some of the things I do.

IcePicks and Left-Hand Diamonds on Right-Hand Girls

one girl's left is another girl's right.

"I deserve to have prada". Really.

And I'm Telling You

though you may have never been told

its all about the corners
and it always has been

"i can 'fend for myself"~ said a 3 year old she

shes still fending, and its the way it always shall be.

but its all about the corners
and it always has been

All Across the Board

what happens when its us that is keeping us numb?

who would've thought id find you in our last year.
"thank God I have the sense of smell"
say no more.

im every player and we fight to the death. too bad the pieces get thrown everywhere when the board gets thrown upside down. but the board is the board. the lines are all there. the spaces are fixed, if not blind.

if not blind.

Mad About You

enough said. perfect dynamic. not real, no, but as ideal as this little mind gets sometimes.
i bet they met in the middle of summer.

whispers of a breeze,
on which the night blossoms' perfume rides
past the blinking fixtures of summer
and the cicada strains of evening

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Miss u much! -meg

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I miss my best friend-matt

One Fine Day

that it was indeed. sad its over.

I smell like paris at night. prada.