and oh yes it is. bear with me.
But my fingernails have gained the strength of hercules.
I wish I could impress upon you the significance. My whole entire life I had fingernails that would bend and spilt and break at the thought of tough price-tag.
My Grandma said that your skin moves around every 7 years.
Thats why I'm not upset about my scars. Because in 7 years or less they'll be gone.
[this doesn't explain the diamond scar on the inside of my arm, but I thank God thats never left me. I've had it for 20 years. have you had anything for TWENTY years? and its flawless. a flaw thats flawless. impeccable when you think of it.]
I've also notice some other "changes". Hahahaaa. That sounds like I'm 13 yrs. old. I'm not. And yet things are changing on me like mad.
I'm looking more like my mother. But I am convinced that the striking resemblance will go away when I loose this weight.
Ahhh the weight.
I put on more weight in a period of just a few weeks that it is absurd. No one [we're talking THREE specialists and a dumb-ass nurse who gave me a 'you dont have AIDS talk'--but thats such another story] can figure it out. I've been looking and fighting for almost 2 years now. I'm chalking it up to the 7 years. I didn't think this whole 7 yr. thing was so pervasive. But it must be. And I'm taking it all in. But let's be honest, shall we? I'll be honest. I really do believe as though I'll wake up one day and the fat will have evaporated and this rough skin will look half as good as when I used to wake up still wasted and bumbeling off to an 8am class.
It happened that quickly, why can't the bad things go away so quicly? Hell, I'd give up these fabulous nails I thought only my youngest brother inherited away in a snap.
I wonder what else has changed.
Thats the scary/unerving part. I'm hoping for sooooo much to just turn back---I can't stand for too much of this (read: NOT ALL) to stay the same.
Watching Everybody Loves Raymond is killing me right now. I have no huge box filled with sweet memories of ex-boyfriends. I don't even have Ray's shoebox. I have really got to stop watching super-late-night TV.
You know what really grinds my gears? How men can just look at a picutre of a skinnier man (or not of alcohol or meat or carbs) and instantly loose fifteen pounds.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
This is so Trivial
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1 comment:
I have never had that ability, I assure you.
"why can't the bad things go away so quickly?" I think that has something to do with entropy. The universe over time tends towards the more chaotic. You need to expend energy to go against this process. Things unravel easily and quickly without you noticing and to reorder them requires much effort.
Shoe boxes filled with memories? I lack one of these too. I would imagine that sifting through it from time to time may be fun, but I would find its constant presence a little disquieting; an uncomfortable reminder of the past.
...I must go. My cat has hair-balled in my bedroom.
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