This Will Show

how warped some of me can be.

Watching super-late-night-its now early morning-tv (you know the complaining drill and yet here I am). Cosby's happens to be on. I know they are far from actuality, but there is one theme that seems to be a pretty constant in American culture that was never really a part of mine.
The whole "parents are always on the same team" theme.
Really, it makes me angry to see such a thing. It just really pisses me off. And for that I think I'm terribly askew as society goes.
I say now that I never ever want to be on the same side as my spouse when it comes to my children simply because they are my spouse. I think when it comes down to it you are more (or should be) loyal to your children---they indeed are your blood.
Yes yes, its one thing when a child is clearly wrong, but I don't think assumptions should be jumped to.
And I can't tell you how this scheme of back and forth shaped my childhood. It made me know that I had someone in my corner. That the world wasn't against me. That reason could win. There were always deals to be made. Negotiations both at and under the table.
It wasn't always pretty. It very rarely was. But I think, no, I know, it made me closer to each of them as people. There is a famous quote about the greatest and longest lasting alliances are those that were formed in mutual distrust/like of an adversary. If I can find it in my notes I'll post it.
Simply: How awful was that last line? My parents hearts would break but would know it was true. They are divorced now. Typing that is something in and of itself.
Well, I know why those kinds of Cosby showings anger me. Because I was in real trouble when it happened to me. Nowhere to go. No person to turn to. No way out. Very rare but serious business when it appeared. I would resent the hell out of the both of them when they turned on me in unison. Sometimes I deserved it. Lots of times I didn't.

This doesn't count for the dozens of meaningless punishments done for the sake of appeasement or the exasperated midnights and august afternoons. Thats another book.



This-----is----------so------pointless-----its-----hopeless.